21 February 2016

Leaving

By time I'm writing this entry, one of my best friend, Danial has already flown to Brisbane, Australia to pursue his studies. Some of his close friends came to send him off at the airport excluding me.

Since I am already here in Terengganu because my new semester started a week ago, sadly I can't make it to wave him my last goodbye.  Tipulah kalau aku tak rasa terkilan tak dapat nak hantar, to show my support for him that will be away about 6847km from Malaysia.

So we the crackheads decided to have this unforgettable moment by having live update through FaceTime. Hahahahah mampos lah! But seriously aku rasa macam ada dekat situ dengan diorang sekali. I can feel the presence each of them in front of me, literally. Everyone was like "Pija kau nangis kan? Kan?" Padahal aku tengah terpisat-pisat bangun lepas Subuh semata-mata mamat ni.

Tahan Pija, tahan. Jangan nangis depan dia.

"Okay Pija aku dah nak gerak ni"

Then I saw he hugged Apis, and he straightly went to his mum. I witnessed  5 second moment that I found very precious to me, I just don't know why. He wiped his tears while walking and came to get the phone from Apis back.

"Pija aku nangis ni pija" talking to me and showing his eyes while walking to the departure hall.

I burst into tears. I broke my promise, finally.
Both of us were in tears, it was speechless moment. I waved to him and I can't hold my tears anymore seeing that situation.
Masa phone bertukar tangan (sebab tu phone Apis), I'd already knew he was going into the departure hall.

The rest of my friends there, they just pretend that it's nothing. Semua fake tak nak menangis hahaha. Padahal dalam hati, bergelumang dengan perasaan sendiri. Kalau aku ada sekali dekat airport tu memang aku nangis lama dah, lantak lah orang nak cakap apa haha. Hilang cool aku. Hm ni baru member fly, belum kahwin lagi hahahaha.

For sure he's going there and will return for good. Aku happy bila dapat tahu dia dapat offer from Uni of Queensland. Cuma sedih juga lah sebab susah dah nak lepak sama2 untuk 3 tahun ni. But, seeing him pursuing his dreams, I feel very motivated.

First day aku dekat rumah sewa, mental breakdown habis. My soul left at home, jasad je yang ada dekat sini. I feel terrible and that was my first time being like that. I feel so distracted, lost and helpless in myself. Dia macam, kau teringat2 all your favourite people especially your family and best friends who are willingly to stay in your life.  I am absolutely happy with my current circle. Rasa putus harapan, tak ada langsung semangat nak menghadap semester baru. Seru lah macam mana pun semangat tu, tak nak datang jugak.

Lepas tu aku terus ambil wudhuk, buat solat dhuha. I can feel myself finally at ease. Kuasa Allah, rupanya Dia nak aku cari Dia. Sebab tu aku selalu pesan kt diri aku, bila rasa lost tu cepat-cepat cari Dia. Allah rindukan kita sebenarnya.

Seeing my best friend leaving, I gathered up all my strength to face whatever shits that happen after this. I just need to take a chill pill, and accept that everyone has their own journey. I need to get back on the track, regain to achieve my goals that I've created early this year. Each of us, Pika, Danial, Apis and me need to fight for our own future. Aku nak sangat tengok kita semua berjaya.

I seriously need to bear in my mind that our friendship will stay even though million miles we're apart. Allahu rabbi, from bottom of my heart, this may sounds cheesy, I love this friendship, I love them till the end of my life. This friendship is very dear to me. Excuse me for being so clingy somehow but that's the way I am. People don't understand what we have been going through all this while. Walaupun ada mulut2 longkang yang tak suka tengok kitorang sama-sama, you guys seriously need to grow up. Aku cuma mampu pekakkan telinga supaya jangan jadi bodoh untuk balas balik apa yang orang2 tu katakan. Aku tak kacau hidup korang, aku tak pernah rasa envy dengan friendship korang sebab prinsip aku, everyone has their own right to be in which circle they want. It's funny when these kind of people actually envy with our friendship. Let's shoo away those negative vibes that won't bring anything to me.

I wish I wokeup with the new me tomorrow because I just realize something suddenly, but I want to keep it to myself.

You can do this, Pija. JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, put 100% faith to HIM.






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