9 January - Don't be so hard on yourself

I know I am a day late to post this entry. Yesterday (9th January) was my birthday. As usual, I don't feel like to celebrate myself by going out bcs Ayah was outstation, so I just stayed at home instead.
So when a friend of mine asked me;

F: Birthday dapat apa?
Aku: Dapat jodoh. KAH!

Entah, aku tak rasa nak sambut birthday beria sangat. Aku pun tak berapa sihat sekarang, selsema bagai sebab cuaca kot. Cukuplah lepas solat subuh, aku berdoa bersungguh-sungguh, mohon ampun dan segalanya. Semoga 2016 dan tahun berikutnya lebih indah. I wish I can achieve what I really want in my life. Then, I recite As-Sajadah. After done with my Fajr prayer, I accompanied Ibu to pasar tani for some grocery shopping. I had the very best kacang pool for my breakfast. Then, I helped her in the kitchen to prepare for our lunch. Scrolling my phone, received tremendous wishes on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram which most of them were my friends.

Sebelum cuti housemate aku, Balqis belanja lunch dekat Pizza Hut as my birthday treat. Okaylah tu kan? So aku tak minta banyak. Ceh, padahal ayah belanja kasut lagi! Haha. Aku minta adik belanja Domino's je once dia dah gaji nanti hehehe.
The taste of chocolate cake brownies is heavenly delish I told ya!!

Tapi petang tu aku buat Nutella Brownies. Only 3 ingredients needed, Nutella, 2 eggs and flour. It turned out to be, delish. Cuma DEKAT RASA JE TAPI TEKSTUR DIA YA AMPUN NI BROWNIES KE BATU. Hahahahahah keras! Waduhhh, aku rasa aku terlebih tepung. Takpe lah, people learn their mistakes based on experience kan?

Nothing special on my birthday.

Sebenarnya, aku ada juga tunggu seseorang tu wish birthday. On our recent unexpected and unplanned meet up, something happened which took me by surprised. I was speechless (but trust me I'm good in pretending sometimes so I get excited) because I felt that he's completely forgot about it.

Aku tak tahulah kenapa, aku rasa macam something odd sejak hari tu. It feels like, it's time to face the reality.

He is already in someone else's story. So, I need to back off. Mungkin aku rasa apa yang terjadi sebelum ni, just to mess and fooling around. Walaupun aku tahu memang main-main pun sampai naik menyampah pun ada haha. Nasib baik aku pun bukan jenis melayan sangat. But there's certain time I am confident to say that he was really meant it. BUT there's limitation that end up he could not go far from that. Yes, I've got the instinct because the way he act. At the end, both of us just stay silence and pretend nothing happened. Kalau orang main-main, they won't realize and they don't even remember what they blabbered about. But this time,it is vice versa.

Dude, if you don't have any intention to have that kind of more-than-friends relationship, please don't approach a woman. Ah, ini semua bullshit.

I don't fall for him, I just adore the person itself.  I am pretty sure that this is only temporary because I always addressed myself that I'm a loner. A loner but at the same time she always keep her spirit to strive and ace for her success in anything, even things get hard these days but she don't give up.

I wish I don't give up, and just stay focus what matters the most.

Only now I'd realize that actually...
Hati aku belum terbuka untuk mana-mana lelaki lagi.

I don't know if this sounds desperate, but just keep on praying. Lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik kan? Mungkin dalam diam-diam ada yang mendoakan kita juga? Who knows.

Starting from now on, I want to be completely heal from disappointment. I'm away from the place literally even though I should come back when the time comes. I just need a break.

Move on at its best. Come on, don't be so hard on yourself. 2016 should have a great start then. :)


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